desmotivaciones

I am baffled at my complete lack of motivation right now. I have so much time, at home, to do stuff and I don’t feel like doing anything. The me from a few months ago would have freaked if she could see all the time I would be "wasting" in the near future. All I do is think about going to Costa Rica, and that is still a month away. Am I going to be like this for a month? I can now see why I never liked to have much of anything in my life. Because I always end up feeling like this. Like I want to just get up and go. I don’t know how not to compulsively and/or obsessively think about my next trip. And now I have a this and a that, those things that go alone with stability. But really, I want to pick up and go. Put a few things away somewhere safe until I get back and just go. Everything seems so dull.

And then there is this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Not sure where it came from. I'm tired of taking care of everything.

So I just sit around. Not being creative. Keeping my house a mess. Not working in the yard. Fuck it. I’m gonna make myself go do something.

Or maybe just sit here and do nothing for the next month.