I just feel like complaining.

Mothering alone is hard. It isn’t even that I want to go out and party, I just want to do all that activist stuff I used to do! I never realized how much activism had to do with my mental and emotional health, and sometimes, when you responsibilities are so many and your ability to concentrate is so limited one can just be overwhelmed. I feel stuck. I feel irritated. Yet at the same time, I am doing things. Just slowly. I am a worker bee. I make websites. I talk with people. I grow food. I care for my family. I get jealous about those who I know who seem to have the freedom to shake things up the way that I wish I could, have co-parents that actually do take responsibility for half of the child-minding. But also, there are just no groups of people doing any sort of activist activities that really excite me much around here. In fact there are no groups of people doing much of anything that excites me much around here. I can't even find a dance studio for Ramona and I to be a part of that isn't the same, run of the mill ballet school that performs the Nutcracker every year. Bah! (There is one in Berkeley, an hour away.)

I know that I was recently writing about how activism is in everyday life, promoting anarchist principals in the real world, blah, blah, blah…and how I have turned to this inner journey, but sometimes that gets boring. Inner work is really hard! At least with being active in your community and seeing the work you do having positive effects on the community and making connections are constant reminders that you are important, worthwhile...it is hard to do that for oneself. I miss activist community.

I can’t even write anything more complex than a Blog, due to the constant interruptions in life. Mothering gets no respect! I need to do some planning and scheming. But I feel stuck. Once, when I didn't have a kid, taking off was always an option. A change of pace to free the mind. I took a trip about every six months. Ahhhhhh! October was six months! I'm overdue! But right now, I am in debt which equals NO TRIP!

Journaling is always good for focusing and freeing the mind and soul. So off I go.