to share, though they spend most of their time in the buff. Having bought such a loaded toy HAS been a learning experience for us (I was told by a little bird that Barbie has some lessons to teach). So yeah, I want to help my child make thoughtful choices, not ban her from making her own choices, even if I think they a bad. It is hard work to parent in this way…but more on that in my next post. While many folks would think, “No big deal, its just a Barbie.” I'm just not that person no matter how hard I try. The first thing that happened is that Ramona, at not quite four years of age, has trouble getting on many of the Barbie clothes. So I had to do the dressing much of the time. One afternoon, as I was resting in the bed after a long day, Ramona dropped off Barbie, her clothes and a brush for me to help her get ready for “the party” and then went off to “set up the party.” I carefully dressed the doll and brushed her luxurious hair. As I was lying there tenderly smoothing Barbie’s clothes, admiring her, I came to my senses. Oh my, am I not even immune to the seduction of Barbie?!? I was dazzled by perfect little Barbie! And I was enjoying it! The nostalgia had gotten to me; perfect plastic smile beautiful Barbie. I still have a place for Barbie in my heart, it seems.
But after a couple days, and more conversations about Barbie, I began getting paranoid. When my sister asked me what Ramona might want for Christmas and I mentioned that she likes Barbies, my sister said, “I am not going to be that person that buys her barbies. I am not going to be that influence.” Then another friend really clobbered my with a statement that I had been trying to deny in my own inner Barbie babble. She said (or rather facebooked), “No intelligent, self respecting women would like Barbie.” Could it be true? Didn’t I secretly like Barbie? Was it a reflection on my own character? Soon, I found myself shuddering whenever Ramona would ask me if she could take her Barbies with her to public places, like the park. What would other mother’s think? That I was a bad mom? Shallow mom? A non self-respecting mom giving my daughter’s bad role models? And what if they knew that I like Barbie too!?! And what if only kids who played with Barbies started making friends with her…or what if Ramona was a bad influence on kids who couldn’t have Barbies? And what would their mothers think of me?…
Eventually, Barbie herself began to wear on me. Ramona continued talking about the Barbie world that she would have one day. Everything about Barbie is about being pretty and buying stuff. Glam Mansion, Pink Cars, poodles, TVs, YUCK! She also kept talking about playing with her old friend Jade. Jade who collects Barbies. Who has the Barbie Mansion. Whose dad sells real estate and drives a beamer; whose mom plays tennis and buys her daughter’s their hearts desire. Ramona also wanted to show her Barbies to her other friends. I realized that Barbie was becoming Ramona's early experience in either a) social status based on “having” or b) a way to connect via mutual playthings (perhaps a bit of both). One of the most important things I learned in grad school is that the important question is not “What is it?” but “What does it do?” (Thank you Targol) Buying a Barbie IS more than just buying a Barbie, and it was about to be even more if I didn’t figure something out quickly. The doll is loaded, I tell you. At least for us.
Now that Ramona and I were able to spend time with the dolls, determine what the doll was about in our lives, we began having constructive conversations about Barbies and things related to Barbie. We talked a bunch about plastic and consumerism again. And when Ramona told me that she wanted to collect Barbies like Jade, I realized that for her, it might not be about specifically Barbie as much as I thought and also that I must not be the only mother in this position. Ramona likes dolls that look like people, not baby people, but people. There must be an alternative. We ended up finding the Only Heart Club Girls. They look like preteen girls and since young girls like to do things in imaginative play that young girls do in real life, why would we give them adults? The Only Hearts Girls aren’t hyper-consumers, they care about friendship (though there aren't any boys...yet) and are “wholesome (so far).” They have way less plastic on their bodies, their rooms are made from cardboard and wood, their pets are plush with wire, there are books available with soft and squishy morals of friendship, sharing, sacrifice and compromise…but they are still made in China. However, It was such a relief to find a better doll for Ramona to collect and invite her friends over to play with.
Due to the Barbie ordeal, Ramona has learned a ton. I have been happy to watch her develop a real, grounded understanding of plastic and consumerism. The lessons of real life, life in context, are the perfect learning tools. She is now quite versed (for such a young girl) on the problems with consumerism and especially plastic. Lucky for us, as all of this was coming to a head, this music video about plastic bags was released:
… which really got our conversations flowing on that topic and actually got me reinvested in cutting our plastic again (I feel I have become a bit more lax than I used to be in the last year). Ramona watched the video six times. This later led us to some Youtube clips about the massive garbage (mostly plastic) island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and discussions about reducing, reusing, recycling (in that order) PCBs, PBAs and other toxins in our food and water supplies, etc.
The intense desire of the young child matched against the ideological allegiance of the mother could have led to a simple denial of Barbies, perhaps ending in feelings of powerlessness and disappointment and statements such as “you will understand when you get older,” but instead we were able to negotiate and work things through to an outcome we are both happy about. I was able to uncover my own love and hate for Barbies, which will still take some processing on my part and Ramona was able to understand something by her own learning process in the spontaneous environment a slightly unstructured life can provide. She was able to exercise control over her decision.
Ramona has two Barbie’s and will soon have a Barbie disguised as a princess that will arrive this Christmas…no problem. Ramona is no longer obsessed with the things and she is looking forward to her Only Hearts World.
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