BARBIE!

I am trying to attribute Ramona’s teary-eyed emotional Barbie outbursts to the time change. She’s been having Barbie attacks. I don’t know how else to describe them. Sort of like a panic attack, but all around Barbie.

About a year ago, during a road trip, we picked up a beach Barbie at a thrift store in the desert…I never imagined what our Barbie future would hold.

Recently she was all into the princesses that Mattel makes, they look like Barbies, just enough that Ramona calls them Barbies. Since she was so persistent in knowing what she wanted for her birthday/Christmas, and I don’t want her to be one of those kids who never gets what they want as gifts, I went ahead and bought one off Ebay as a gift from Santa and hid it in the closet. But then she got seriously obsessed with Barbies. I am not really sure how it happened. We saw her friend Bella holding a Barbie in the car a couple weeks ago…after Ramona had spent the day trying to become her best friend. The there is her old friend Jade who has lots and lots of Barbies, but she hasn’t played with Jade since April. hmmmm.

Perhaps we walked by them one too many times and with every Barbie brush-off from me, her frustration and fascination intensified. The other day I made the mistake of letting her look online with me at Barbies. Amazon has some little commercial clips for Barbie things. We ended up having an altercation after she watched a certain commercial countless numbers of times. And this girl doesn’t just want a Barbie, but a whole “Barbie WORLD.”

i brought it up with some friends. My friend O pleaded that I don’t deny her so long that a friend of hers takes pity on her and lets her borrow a Barbie, as had happened to O as a child. The humiliation following her into adulthood. My advice from another is to talk to her about why I don’t like Barbie and why I won’t buy them. I have done this with certain things like SpongeBob, but Barbie is serious, and Ramona DOES feel that she is being deprived without them. Another friend said to buy some, but keep pointing out why she is not a great toy. Well, she is plastic…but so is almost every other doll. I do point out all the plastic. She knows about plastic. There is the problem with Barbie’s body and how unreal it is and how women could never achieve such plastic perfection, but Ramona isn’t even four and sees very little advertising and I honestly don’t think is even aware of what Barbie’s body means yet or that she wants to grow up to be Barbie (who would want to grow up to be a doll anyway?). Ramona actually brags about her big soft round belly. Another friend told me I should tell her I don’t like Barbie cause real women don’t look like that, but Ramona is sharp enough to know that her dolls that are made of natural materials look even less like people so that argument is bunk. Another friend said, “I actually like Barbies, and they’re not as bad as they used to be.” True...Barbies don’t have huge boobies like they used to. They come in all colors. And their feet are no longer made to fit those super high heels, just pumps. Barbie has mellowed in her age…at least the one we have has. What a hub-bub about a doll!

My biggest argument against Barbie is the plastic consumerism. This is what I talk about with my daughter. Trashing the earth with plastic and trying to coerce people to buy too much of what they don’t need. Making people feel inferior without, or like they would be happy if only they had some useless thing...I also talk with her about how the folks who make those big Barbie houses probably don’t even make enough money to buy one. They truth is that that argument falls true for almost any plastic toy you could buy at a run of the mill toy store. The truth is that, deep down inside, that I am worried about Ramona becoming trapped in her gender. She was such a tough kid, I am worried about peer pressure and her ever feeling like she needs to like certain things or have certain things to be feminine and popular. It really isn't about Barbie at all...

So I am about to do the typical American thing, and let Ramona earn money to buy a Barbie. Or is that typically American anymore? Maybe the stereotypical American just buys their little girl whatever they want. Anyway, she has earned a dollar and will probably do the same today. She already had 3, and we just got a $10 gift card in an ad from Kohls I guess I will give her. We plan to go and pick out a Barbie after school today (because waiting a month for an almost three year old is torture, I do remember that kind of excitement. I used to puke and get sick just before Christmas every year).

I know a lot of mothers who wouldn't go there, because Ramona will eventually get over not having a Barbie. I am not sure that "not having" because of my fears about consumer culture, when she "could have" is really the best way to help children develop values. And what am I really afraid of? Truth is, she isn’t really “like that” anyway...super girly-girl. She has never much been into baby dolls, or dolls at all, like girls are supposed to be. The more I resist, the more Ramona wants. That is one law of Ramona’s nature that I can attest too. I want Ramona to trust herself. I want her to develop her own values (as much as she can) and then decide for herself if she wants or doesn't want a Barbie.

One friend wrote me, “I was totally obsessed with Barbies. Mainly because I wasn't allowed even to play with other kids barbies. I did get over it by school age.”

I loved Barbie until I was about 13, I was mostly denied, since I grew up in poverty, except for when my dad got me one and a friend gave me one. Denial of things does not teach kids to not value them. Letting kids learn and experience things empowers them. Empowering children is worth working toward...trying to blame a doll for children's body insecurities isn't thinking things through. I remember Teen and Women's magazines making me feel bad about my body, not a plastic doll. What I hope is that one day Ramona will decide on her own that she doesn’t NEED a barbie, and that I can be a roll model, support, a listening ear for her and not an enforcer and denier. That I can help her feel empowered enough to make choices that value depth, diversity, love of earth, dignity etc. I don’t know if it is actually the Barbie that I don’t like. Maybe I kinda like Barbie still, deep down inside. It is really the essence of Barbie, what she symbolizes, that plastic, shallow, hyper consumption that is oh so evident in the commercials. The way they use her work children into a frenzy, driving their parents into hyperconsumerism. And then there is that annoying girl who has all the barbies and Barbie stuff, but no sense of identity...I remember her.

I would rather Ramona play with Barbies than watch Barbie commercials.