Turning the Page

I got a place! And now I don’t know what to do with these quite hours in the morning, before anyone wakes up. Lately I have been stressing about where I would be going, combing through every craigslist house share ad with a fine tooth comb. I guess blogging is something I can do, sitting among the chaos of someone in the midst of packing to move.

I want to get this move over with asap, to get things back to normal. It will be better. My mother has been moving to her own place. I love her dearly but most of what comes out of her mouth are complaints, and that can really drag a girl down, especially when she is trying to raise a happy healthy little girl. The last 3 years, living with my mom has been trying. Sharing a home with her as I embark on my mothering journey has made huge, crazy, complex shifts in out relationship and my own psyche. But it has been a learning experience, which probably has improved my ability to mother and my ability to live my life. There was so much baggage I didn’t even know was there that I was able to process and toss out. There were times when I had to be strong and clear and go up against my mom in order to be at ease with my own mothering. She is too bossy to comfortably co-exists with my parenting style. She was an amazing woman to grow up with, I learned soooo many wonderful and useful things to just grow in her presence. She encouraged me to be an original... but I can’t say that she was a good mother. Just a tad too self-centered to be a good mother, or supportive ally, or anything. That is okay. She had it really hard. She needs to live by herself…and now she does. And now Ramona has somewhere to go for overnights if need be.

Becoming a parent released me from being Mama’s little girl. I am the youngest, by five years. The only Mama/daughter she has.

So now I get to open a new chapter on life, away from the overbearing self-centeredness and unique strength of my mother. My mother is the Dragon Lady. Straight up.

I am moving to a space with less personal/private space, but a lot of shared space. We rent a room , a little bigger than 12x11. We wanted the master, but settled. The rent is cheaper anyway, which will help me get that part of my life back in order; cheaper rent means that a month in Mexico is probably definitely on the horizon.

The person I share with has her two kids half time, so Ramona will get to know what it is like to live with kids! My new roommate is laid back, kind and my age. She is a photographer by trade, a kindred spirit in the world of resisting the 9-5 rat race. I am excited the water is beginning to flow again in my life. Stagnation makes for all sort of yucky things, like mosquito larvae.